Click & Clack Talk Cars

by Laura Griffin

In response to a letter sent in last week in which a woman stated that both men and women could be labeled "slut": Katie wrote in and said it was a quantity issue, i.e., how many people you sleep with. I agreed with her, but I shouldn't have. Below, Ben tells meÑand youÑwhy I was wrong.

Hi Laura,
Oh no, don't agree with Katie. It doesn't have to do with quantity. Calling a girl a slut isn't okay even if she's got a different partner every night. Calling that girl self_destructive is totally fine. The word "slut" implies that women having sex out of wedlock is always wrong. I don't think that it's possible to change the meaning of the word, no matter how hard we might try, so I choose not to use it. I don't believe in sluts. Anyone who uses the word has to be at least a little bit of a misogynist. I think the reason women use the word is simply because they don't want that kind of competition. They won't get the same attention from men if other women are giving it away for free, so they chastise each other for being sexual. No man should use the word because it's just going to discourage women from having sex. Not only should they not use the word, but they also shouldn't respect women less for having casual sex.
Ben

When I answered Katie's letter I focused on the shift from casual sex to destructive sex while glossing over the issue of the word "slut." My bad. Thanks for keeping me in line Ben!

Hi Laura:
I've written to you a few times in the past (I even won a contest for listing my taboos once) so I thought I'd weigh in on the whole "can single women get sex" question. I definitely agree with your position, Laura. Can a woman go into a bar and "get some?" Probably. But the men who would be willing to take a woman up on that proposition are generally not the kind of men you'd want to go home with anyway. The decent sort of fellows, especially here in Philly, are usually quite taken aback by a woman with even a hint of sexual aggressiveness: If faced with the "will you go home with me" question, these men will bolt and tell all their buddies to avoid you too. For a single woman seeking sex with a sane stranger, our options aren't that much greater than the average males. Even swingers' clubs, which are a haven for single, sexually adventurous women (we're treated like royalty, trust me), are a difficult place to find a man with whom to have intercourse. I know this sounds counter to the whole "swingers" culture, but often, full_penetration intercourse is an activity that the couple keeps to themselves. (Just to clarify: Swingers' clubs, including the one conveniently located at a "secret" location here in Center City, allow couples and single women to attend. No single men allowed.) So even if a single woman chooses to attend a swingers' club, she will likely find herself relegated to oral and manual stimulation only. This might be more information than you wanted to know, but it supports the argument that single women have a hard time finding no_strings_attached sex with strangers too. Far better to invest in a BOB (battery_operated boyfriend) from a store in NYC (the Philly stores leave a lot to be desired in this regard). Laura, that's my take on the situation. If you'd like to ask any questions about the swingers' scene (I'm not an expert, but I do know a little) or anything else, I'd be happy to help.
Cheers,
The Friendly Blonde

I know one thing for sure: This issue's not going away anytime soon. Even though I feel we've only scratched the surface (I'm still getting letters about this) I think it might be time to move on. Next week it's back to blowjobs, heartbreak and a crazy question about anal penetration and food. And if anybody knows anything about that, let me know. I'm still in the fact_finding phase.