illustration by ALEX FINE

Stereotypewriter

Tracking the old, stodgy Grammys on new media platforms.

by Brian McManus

“Who gives a fuck about a goddamn Grammy?” That question, posed by Public Enemy on “Bring the Noise” back when rap music still mattered, wasn’t rhetorical. They wanted answers.

And Sunday’s 51st Annual Grammy Awards telecast offered a few, the most important being: Yes, this thing could actually get fucking worse than it’s ever been. (Stevie Wonder, meet the Jonas Brothers!)

Not that I watched. Instead I decided to get my new media on and follow the Grammy Twitter (!) with close to 6,000 others to keep up to date with the news of the night as they released it in enthusiastic hiccups of 140 characters or less—“Sir Paul McCartney with Dave Grohl on drums!!,” “Best Rap Album just went to Lil Wayne for Tha Carter III!”

The “future of media” meets music’s oldest and stodgiest on its biggest night. The Grannys. The big, dumb, lumbering wooly mammoth that is the Recording Academy—woefully out of touch and notoriously unwilling to adapt to the rapidly changing world around it—taking a blind and inspired stab into the Internet ether with its cane.

On top of following via Twitter, I tracked reactions to the Grammy results in real time as they rolled in on the Grammy Facebook (!!), which I became a “fan” of just before the broadcast to watch the Internet do what it does best: complain. And boy did it ever, pissing its hot discontent in waves all over Grammy’s Facebook wall during the night and into the next morning.

Nuggets like this one, regarding M.I.A.’s very pregnant performance with the “Rap Pack”:

Chastity Garner (Atlanta, Ga.) wrote at 10:06 p.m.

“I was mortified watching the pregnant lady from M.I.A. in that atrocious outfit humping 9 months pregnant…like come on…would it have killed her to put on a nice dress”

Or this one, about Lil Wayne’s tribute to New Orleans:

Robert F. Koscinski (Central Jersey, NJ) wrote at 11:13 p.m.

“I find it funny how a NYC rap station a few years ago made a joke about teh Tsunami that happened in 2004… and now you have rappers rapping about the whole Katrina thing. Is it enough that Obama is our president now! Whatever!”

It was the perfect way to watch the Grammys. Which is to say, the perfect way to watch the Grammys is to not watch the Grammys. This was better—unfettered fandom straight from the tap, next-level Grammy coverage complete with misspellings; more than a thousand wall posts written in teen text shorthand that makes ne thing ne 1 writes, no matter how poignant or succinct, seem dumb.

And this coverage was international. Like this reaction from across the pond to Robert Plant and Allison Krauss taking home Album of the Year honors:

Jovan Reid (Uni. Sussex) wrote at 11:24 p.m.

“ALBUM OF THE YEAR WAS WHAT?! the fuck!!”

Before the actual award show started, the stars waltzed down the red carpet showing off their outfits. Grammy Twitter posted pictures and told me who was arriving and who had already won—“Raphael Saaqud arrived hand-in-hand with date Nia Long,” “Best Hard Rock Performance: Wax Simulacra, The Mars Volta.” (Ahem, Saadiq. Dude was a nominee!)

Only 10 awards were handed out on the Grammy telecast this year, producers deciding to go heavy on the live performance and hand the bulk of them out untelevised. The Grammy Twitter was busy posting tons of winners during the preshow, and perhaps that’s why they failed to mention the news that stirred Grammy Facebook into a frenzy: Chris Brown and girlfriend Rihanna, both scheduled to perform, were no-shows. Brown turned himself in early morning Sunday for felony assault. Grammy Facebook users feverishly posted TMZ updates and wondered whether or not Rihanna was the victim of the assault. (We now know she was.)

Sample discussion about the Chris Brown/Rihanna dustup on Grammy Facebook wall:

Kirstie Fill (London) wrote at 7:47 p.m.

“did cb mash up rihanna i met her in london she one moody lil girl!! no manners an tink the world shud bow to her horrible moody young lady !1”

Joli wrote at 7:51 p.m.

“sorry Kirstie…I cant agree with you…no woman should ever be hit…”

Kirstie Fill (London) wrote at 7:54 p.m.

“joli tru say but she a moody lil fukker still a smack across the mouth wuldnt have hurt her she needed it evry time she visits london she ignores and sneers at people she wont talk jus sits ther az tho she soooo important look at me aint i the shhhhh !!”

Future media, like whoa!

Grammy Twitter is a year-round venture, and will be updating daily.

Grammy Facebook too. I searched it to see if they’d posted their “25 Things,” but found nothing. So let me help, by offering No. 1.

1. I am old and out of touch. I gave Album of the Year to a record of Joni Mitchell covers last year, for Christ’s sake. And remember when Christopher Cross swept all the big categories back in the day? Oops. But honestly, scour my Facebook wall and tell me these kids aren’t begging to be molded. It’s because of them that we will continue to try to be a thermostat that changes the culture, and not a thermometer that simply reflects it. Or something. Coldplay!